Adult relationships take many forms—spouses, parents, partners, or friends. And all of them can become uncomfortable when the topic is money. And, sometimes, the closer you are with someone, the harder it is to start the conversation. The key is to create an ongoing, open and honest communication about it. But that can be challenging if your loved one resists talking about money, or will only talk about it when faced with dire circumstances, for instance, when the bill collectors call, or you’re about to lose your home.
It is possible for loved ones to broach the subject of money without getting into
a confrontation or creating hard feelings. Here are some pointers that can help:
YOU start the conversation. Don’t wait for the other person to bring it up. He or she may not even be aware of the need. Be patient. Not everyone is comfortable discussing money concerns, so be as clear and honest as you can, while also being compassionate.
Bring it up. It’s helpful in the beginning of a relationship to determine who has financial
responsibility for what. If you haven’t had that discussion yet, do bring up the subject. You can start the process by trying to uncover any assumptions that each of you has made. That way you can truly understand what the other person feels and thinks.
Be prepared to negotiate. Don’t assume you’ll get everything your way. Stand up for your
needs and negotiate the rest.
Really listen. Formulate your ideas in advance, but then really listen with an open mind to your loved one’s concerns.
Be flexible. There is no right or wrong; however, if one person remains rigid and won’t consider the other’s position, nothing will get accomplished.
Be creative. Come up with interesting, out-of-the box solutions for achieving financial goals. That way your conversations about money will not only be productive but also enjoyable.
Know when to get help. If you reach an impasse, call in a professional, such as an accountant, financial advisor or counselor.
Finally, don’t expect everything to be worked out in one session. The good news is that once you’ve had one successful conversation about money, your next discussion will be
much easier. Build on that, and then keep talking! Include the discussion of money as part of your ongoing communication with your loved one.
Joan Ferdinand Keleher MS, LCPC 